Recently, an AI engineer from Uttar Pradesh working in Bengaluru committed suicide while battling with a matrimonial dispute, as per reports. Atul Subhash left behind a video recording and a lengthy suicide note stating his suffering. He blames his estranged wife, her family and the whole Indian legal system, which made his life miserable, making suicide seemingly convenient option. This was not the first of its kind, and not the last instance when a husband fighting false cases by wife ended his life. Why does a married man’s life not matter? If we have laws which support married women being treated with cruelty by the husband or his relatives, why don’t we have laws which support a man fighting false cases by his wife? Why are men the only one burdened with financial as well as reputational prospects after a broken marriage? Let’s see the bigger picture about why we need to take Atul Subhash’s suicide seriously, for all the men around us.
Husband in Distress as Source of Income
Marriage is a sacrament, a union of two souls, that’s what religious texts suggest. When a Hindu couple gets married, the vows surround duties of both husband and wife towards each other and their families. However, when there is some matrimonial dispute, why does maintenance to wife come first? Is a husband all about the money he earns? Why do Courts ask the husbands to manage maintenance for the wife by any means, regardless of whether he has other liabilities, or even if he is earning his own livelihood or not? In fact, what we see in the suicide note left by Bengaluru Techie Atul Subhash, the Judge concerned even asked for money to pursue settlement for divorce. Is that all men are worthy of in India?
Liabilities of a Man after Marriage
Whenever a Court passes an order against a husband in matrimonial dispute, the wife and children are given a large chunk of his income. Even if the wife is also earning a sufficient amount, Courts may consider giving no maintenance for wife, but all the expenses of children are upon the father. Why does it become totally unnecessary if the husband is the only breadwinner for other relations like his parents? Why does it become unnecessary whether the husband is already burdened with loans incurred to fulfill the demands of the wife? A husband still remains a human being, and he is made to compromise financially for the wife, who makes all kinds of allegations against him and his family; and children whom he is not even able to see, while spending time with them becomes a far-fetched dream. Why are men only made a non-taxable income source for estranged wives and children?
Importance of Fathers in Children’s Lives
Men do care, especially for their children. Fatherhood brings a lot of stress, and mostly, all a father has in mind is how to fulfill all the wishes of his child and make the world a better place for his children. However, when he gets stuck in a matrimonial dispute, there is this trend that the wife takes away children along. In fact, wives use children as a tool to harass their husbands and in-laws. They don’t even let the father have a look at the children, let alone meeting the father or letting them spend some time together. What we get to see in Atul Subhash’s story is that he had not seen his son in years. All he had to cherish about his son was the pictures till the child stayed with him. It is often said that children need both mother and father for overall growth. But what is this bias when marriage sees a downfall? Why are fathers forcefully separated from their children? Why does a father need Court’s orders everytime he wishes to see the children? Aren’t we as a society diminishing the importance a father holds in a child’s life?
Men as victims of Domestic Violence
A woman may beat the husband black and blue, but nobody pays a heed; a man retaliates to stop the woman from beating him, and everyone loses their mind. Laws favour women, and rather than being used for good, they seem to be misused more. When Varun Dhawan said “Naukri aisa ho ki kaam par jaane ka man kare, aur Ghar aisa ho ki wapis aane ka man kare”, it was all about a good job and a peaceful household, a dream for husband in a matrimonial dispute in India. If a man yelling at his wife is wrong, shouldn’t a wife unnecessarily yelling at her husband on every chance be considered wrong? A quarrelsome household often breaks a person, not necessarily women and children, but men too. Why is it that a wife facing violence, either on physical or mental fronts, is a victim, but a man is not? Why do people turn deaf ear when a husband complains of his wife’s taunts about his earning capacity, calling names, disrespecting his family, making him a villain in front of his kids? Why are we normalising the sufferings of married men in India? Don’t men deserve to be safe within a household?
Dowry vs Alimony
India has a history of female foeticide, because a girl born meant that parents would be required to give dowry at the time of her marriage. It sounds like payment to the groom for marrying the girl and taking her responsibility for a lifetime. The laws for dowry prohibition have significantly fought the menace and people are aware that giving and taking dowry is a crime. However, the same laws promote payment to the wife for the husband to avoid a difficult divorce. Aren’t we reversing the menace by taking the burden off the bride, over to the groom? The Indian Legal System is quite open about the fact that the husband should make attempts for settlement by paying a hefty amount to the wife, or she will come up with all kinds of criminal and civil cases, not leaving any scope of respect for the sacred relationship; for once they dreamed of a happy life together. As allegedly disclosed by Atul Subhash, even the Family Court Judge in his case suggested that he pay the amount demanded by his wife, and pay a certain amount to the Judge who will assist with the settlement. Isn’t it hypocritical that the money given at the time of marriage which eventually comes handy for a couple’s married life, is illegal, but the money paid only for the wife in the name of excusing the husband from false matrimonial cases, is cherished by the legal system?
Note: The idea is not to promote the menace of dowry. It’s high time we leave behind the idea of giving money for making or breaking relationships, and start investing positive emotions in relationships, for both men and women, for men also have feelings.
Dowry Death vs Atul Subhash’s suicide: What is the difference?
Section 304B of the Indian Penal Code punished dowry death when a wife dies due to cruelty by husband or his relatives connected with dowry demands. The said provision has been incorporated under Section 80 of the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023. If we compare the provision of dowry death with the suicide of husbands who surrender against the gender stereotypes in the Indian Legal System, not heard enough but supposed to pay hefty amounts for divorce, is it not serious? Why is dowry death a crime, but alimony death a mere incident? Why is Atul Subhash and all the husbands who took their lives for their failure to fight their wives and the system not heard by the authorities?
Justice for Men
The Bengaluru Techie Atul Subhash died, leaving behind a hashtag #Justiceisdue and a request to throw his ashes in a gutter in the Family Court if he does not get justice even after giving up on his life. Here, we cannot say that suicide was not the right option, that he should have fought the case before the Court if he had evidence. With all kinds of harassment a man and his family has to go through in false matrimonial cases, ending one’s life seems a convenient option, than being looked like a criminal in the society for years without any fault, just because the wife alleged so. Even the men who keep up with the litigation in Courts end up losing a lot of money, and tender years of their life, still in search for justice. Even after everything comes to an end after divorce, what is left with husband is nothing, because they end up losing money, scope for some important relationships as well as crucial years of life. Isn’t it high time for the legislature to consider the issue and come up with gender neutral laws for marriage?
Two Words
A lot has been said above, to explain the situation that men and women together make a society, a family, a household. The present day laws favouring women were framed to deal with the men dominating society. What we need to understand is that one-sided, absolute provisions are negatively empowering a particular section, and not doing any good for the society. It is high time the lawmakers in India should consider balancing the rights in a matrimonial setup. Outrightly burdening men for broken marriages will not do any good. In the longer run, marriage should not become a curse for men in India. It is time for gender neutral laws, not presuming a particular gender but a human being as a victim.
