When there are discussions about men, people often say that it is the woman who is victimised, because it will be hard for her to get married again. The world is too cruel towards a divorced woman. What nobody wants to talk about is – What is left with the husband after divorce? What is left with the husband, after the wife leaves with all the jewellery she got from her husband and either side of the family, with all the maintenance and alimony, and children. What is left for the husband to cherish after divorce? Since it is not easy to realise the roller coaster of emotions a man may feel, we have jotted down the specific distress which a husband has to put up with for laws that favour women.
What is left with divorced husband?
Loss of Reputation to Husband and Family
It is not something new to say that whenever a woman speaks of pain and suffering, everyone tends to believe her. On the other hand, unless a man brings solid evidence of his suffering, nobody is interested in knowing what happened to him. In matrimonial disputes, there is a tendency that the in-laws are always wrong, torturing the women. Gender stereotypes in the Indian Legal System make everyone look at the wife as a victim. However, the statistics showing misuse of cruelty and other provisions make it evident that women are not always right. However, they have the power to depolarize the reputation of her husband and his family when marriage comes to an end.
The husband on the other hand has to deal with all kinds of allegations, starting with domestic violence, dowry demands, and everyone starts doubting the family. Their neighbours end up assuming that they maltreated their daughter-in-law. There is a social stigma which remains with the man and his family, regardless of whether they were at fault or not. Because nobody knows what’s happening inside a household, until quarrels materialize outside due to Police intervention or so. Unless the matter comes to an end and the husband along with his family comes out clean, nobody knows that they were not the sole culprits, as the wife alleged.
Explore ways for men to fight against wife misusing laws
Prolonged Litigation in Matrimonial Dispute
People often assume that even if the wife falsely prosecutes the husband or his family, they are innocent and the Court will know. What they do not know is that it takes years of litigation to conclude the matter and prove that they were actually innocent. Unless it is a mutual divorce, there will be a package of litigation going on in civil as well as criminal law fronts. The husband will be proving before the Court that he did not beat his wife, he did not demand any dowry, he did not mentally torture the wife. Even if he’s the one initiating divorce, all such cases follow. Unless the two reach an amicable settlement to divorce, lives may end but Court cases usually do not. Here is a reflection of such a state of a husband in matrimonial dispute, who has spent years in matrimonial litigation, but the matter does not see any end. Thus, a husband loses out on money as well as years of his life, first during the continuation of a bad marriage, and then litigation. His life in a way restarts after the divorce is finalised.
Maintenance/Alimony to Wife
There are provisions for maintenance under Bharatiya Nagarik Suraksha Sanhita, Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act and the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. While the law ensures that the wife is not left destitute. However, even those working and earning almost equal to or more than the husband in the absence of any liabilities seek huge amounts in the name of maintenance from their husbands. The husband, on the other hand, is required to take care of several liabilities, mostly being the sole bread-winner for the family. He is liable for taking care of the household expenses, his parents, providing child support, and also paying his wife in case of divorce. Also, payment of maintenance to wife and children can be a lifetime course until the wife remarries and the children attain the age of majority. Lawyers representing husband clients argue before the Court when wife is not entitled to maintenance, however, it remains the discretion of the Court. The tendency is to hold the husband liable to provide maintenance even if he is not earning much.
Child Custody to Father
Read something beautiful today – “A mother carries the baby in her body for 9 months. A father carries both the mother and baby in his thoughts for those 9 months and the rest of his life”. In our stereotypical society, women are entrusted with the upbringing of children while fathers provide for their financial needs. With the changing landscape where women also earn, embracing fatherhood with the same perspective is troublesome for everyone. In a battle for child custody, the husband is destined to lose. The reason being that the laws usually support the mother, the society usually supports the woman, and even Courts support the wife in a matrimonial dispute to win custody of the child. The husband, if seeking child custody, has to prove the extreme reasons for which a woman having the child is not in the best interest of the child. If he cannot, there is no chance for him to have the child or children by his side for the rest of his life. He may get visitation rights, but children stay with the mother, and thus, the mindset shifts with what the child hears, believing what the mother tells.
What is left with the husband after divorce? – Inference
If we look at the crux of how a husband ends up with a divorce, he loses out on time, money, reputation, jewellery associated with the wife and even his children. People may say that men are not emotional or not so attached in family relations. However, a man looks forward to coming back home to see his beloved life partner. He yearns to see his children awaiting their father to share about what they explored during the day. He wants to cherish a family of his own. A bad divorce shatters all those dreams, and leaves the husband at a point where he may not readily trust any woman again. People often regret divorce, but mostly, it is the regret of why they got married in the first place with the wrong person. They wonder what all they could do to make things right. Marriage is not a one-way effort, regardless of whether it is the wife or the husband who makes it.
