It was 1991, he took his newly born daughter in his arms…..He became a father today!! Everything seemed so perfect….he looked at his wife and thanked her for this beautiful bundle of joy. He was overjoyed with love for his wife and the apple of eye in his arms. A father can do anything for his children, he can turn the world upside down. Except for some fathers in India, who end up getting caught up in a matrimonial dispute of a broken marriage. They have to seek permission from their wife to have a glimpse of their own children. Otherwise, Court orders take ages for the same. Here, we are sharing a daunting story of a man in his 60s facing an unending matrimonial fall-off.
Who is this man?
It was a random LinkedIn scroll which led Lawgical Shots to write this blog. We saw a comment on a post speaking of misuse of IPC Section 498A. It said that It’s been more than 17 years since I am litigating, my kids hate me. It seems that all this will only come to an end when I am dead. We found this very disheartening and approached him over LinkedIn, requesting him to share about what actually happened.
Ms Ridhi Khurana had a discussion with him on behalf of Lawgical Shots. He has been very patient and kind for sharing about his personal life, also discussing the gaps in the Indian Legal System. Speaking of his life, he got married in 1990, got blessed with two children – one born in 1991 and the other in 1999. Initially after marriage, the couple stayed with their family in Lucknow for a brief period and later in Faridabad, and then flew to Dubai for a job in 1994. The two were working there and taking care of their kids. Then what went wrong that he had to file for a divorce in 2005? Why do his kids never contact him, who rather grew up hating him? Read the full blog to know more and understand the wrath faced by a husband, a father, whose marriage slipped the track of ‘Together Forever’.
Also check about Atul Subhash’s Suicide and whether men matter
Difficulty in Getting Divorce
According to him, he applied for a contested divorce in 2005 due to certain reasons which did not allow him to continue the marriage with his wife. However, as a counterblast, his wife filed a criminal case under Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code, and also sought maintenance. The contested divorce case was initially filed in Lucknow, where the couple got married and initially stayed before moving to Faridabad, making it part of their matrimonial home. However, the same was transferred to Jodhpur, where the wife was residing along with the two children, after separating from her husband.
Also read – Cases of No Maintenance to Educated Wife
The case started in 2005, and there was a point in 2018 when she agreed to settle for mutual divorce, there were terms for quashing the criminal case on payment of settlement amount of approximately 40 lakhs, and 30 lakhs was even deposited with the Court. He was working in Dubai and made to attend Court proceedings in India twice a month. During COVID-19 pandemic, while he was in Dubai, there were issues due to international commuting, and he could not come to India for divorce proceedings for a few months, however, the case was closed. The settlement and mutual divorce halted due to the wife’s reluctance to proceed further. He appealed against the same before the High Court, but it was dismissed. When he approached the Supreme Court for reinstatement, the same ordered Mediation for a couple who had been separated for almost 2 decades and had failed a couple of similar meditation sessions. The Apex Court order of September 2023, which required the matter to go back to track within 3 months in case of failure of mediation, still awaits the next date after almost a year.
False Case – Misuse of IPC 498A
Like any other divorce case by husband, this one was also allegedly counter-blasted with several cases for how the wife was not being treated right by her husband and in-laws. The husband here also shared about possessing his wife’s diary wherein she has shared her happy memories of being blessed by a wonderful family after marriage, who never demanded anything from her and embraced her as one of them, who happily celebrated the birth of a girl child by throwing a party for a large gathering. Now, the same woman had involved her husband and his old parents into the legal clutches for treating her with cruelty.
Challenges of Criminal Trial
The proceedings for contested divorce started in 2005 and the criminal case was initiated after a year and a half. The husband here had to be present in the Court for each and every hearing. Sometimes, he had to visit 4-5 times a month from Dubai to attend the Court proceedings, which took a toll on him financially and his work also suffered.
There was this one instance in the beginning when he was with the Investigation Officer, his brother-in-law from his wife’s side visited him in his army attire and arrogantly told him to settle the matter by paying 60 lakhs, or he will face unwanted consequences. To this, he blatantly told the brother-in-law that he did not have that much money, and that he will face the legal consequences but won’t settle for such a behavior. Looking at the case history and the evidence on record, his lawyer allegedly assures him that conviction is the last thing to happen in this case. However, he does not see an end to litigation in the near future. He even says that the case may only come to an end when he dies. He says that if he had been convicted, the punishment would end in maximum 3 years, but the suffering during trial has already lasted for almost two decades, and continues.
Jurisdiction in Matrimonial Disputes
The law states that legal proceedings for matrimonial disputes would take place where the couple got married, place of matrimonial home where the couple resided together after marriage, or where one of the parties were residing. He states that while the matrimonial home was either in Lucknow, Faridabad or Dubai, the criminal case under IPC 498A was lodged in Delhi. In fact, one of the trends seen by women misusing laws is using a far-away location. This is just another way to harass the husband and his family who are forced to travel every now and then to attend the Court proceedings. Coming back to the question of how Delhi became the place of jurisdiction, it was allegedly told on behalf of the wife that at one instance, the wife’s father was undergoing certain medical treatment in Delhi, and some discord led to a fight wherein the husband was accused of using strong words with his father-in-law. The brief instance allegedly made the place suitable for criminal litigation.
“My Kids Hate Me”
When asked about his children, he said that he had two – his daughter recently got married and his son was serving the Indian Army, with a conditional exception in his words – “That’s what I know”. He has not shared a common space with his children since 2005. He being a father initially used to be assured that even if the custody was with his wife, at least he will be able to talk to his children on special occasions like their birthdays. However, even on those events, his wife or other relatives would not let him see his children’s faces and tell him that they would convey his wishes and blessings. He was once allowed by the Court to meet his children in a McDonald’s restaurant, but his children were of a very tender age to have any memory of the same.
Speaking of child custody to father, he shared the plight on behalf of fathers across the nation. He said that initially he did apply for the same, or even visitation rights. But the same would take years to decide and Courts would rarely decide in favour of the father. At this point, he is a father of two, but his children never speak to him. He has no complaints against their behavior, knowing that it’s not the children’s fault. This is what they have been taught by their mother since their childhood.
Men choosing against marriage
Apart from his own experience, he shared about a relative whose situation was similar in terms of a broken marriage, but there was no child involved. The matter got wrapped within 3 years due to settlement. This relative had to pay 30-40 lakhs to settle the same. However, if someone talks about remarriage, this relative would not agree at all. Even his friends who helped him to arrange the settlement amount have pledged not to get married, at least not in India or with an Indian girl. The tale of misuse of laws for married women has led men to avoiding marriage. There have been numerous instances wherein men committed suicide due to misuse of 498A and other biased laws.
Wrapping it up
While closing the discussion, Ms Ridhi asked him if there was anything which he could have done to avoid his legal struggle going on for years, he says that there is nothing a husband can do to escape a situation like this. Today, he is a senior citizen, who is married and having two kids, but his struggle does not at all match with his marital status. Having spent more than 40 lakhs on litigation, his travel expenses in addition, he lost his familial bonds, mental peace, and the trial is yet to be over. He has lost all hopes on the Indian Legal System and says “Maybe the trial will only come to an end with my death….I’m already 60+ years old.” He even raised a serious concern about his fundamental rights under the Constitution as a man in India, that he only had one life which has been ruined due to never-ending litigation by his wife.
We at Lawgical Shots would raise this debate – A marriage is a bliss when everything is going good, when both the partners are trying to keep up with their marital vows. However, when the marriage goes off-track, it is assumed that the woman being dependent upon her spouse, and her children, are the most impacted. However, it is a reality today that if it’s a working woman, there is no loss apart from losing a spouse. She easily gets the child custody, she has a job, she gets all the jewellery gifted by anyone during or after the marriage, and also gets money from her husband, for herself and her children’s maintenance. On the other hand, the husband loses the place called home in the absence of his wife and children, the wife does not let husband meet his kids, who eventually grow up hating their father, husband’s years are lost in litigation, trying to prove to the Court that he being a man does not mean he would be the wrongdoer everytime, giving away all the valuables to the wife, coping with the litigation expenses, and paying money beyond his limits trying to settle the legal battle with the loving person he hoped to spend the rest of his life with.
Something is hopelessly wrong with our legal system, when it comes to husbands in matrimonial disputes. And it’s high time we stop assuming that women are always the victims. We should stop making men single-handedly suffer for a broken marriage. Even if someone says that this is a one-sided story which may not be completely true, there are several men out there dealing with similar situations, who are desperately looking for ways to protect themselves and their family members against the legal harassment by their wives.
